Missed Steps

15Feb11

Aimlessly walking around the meadow has increased my thoughts by the tenfold. It didn’t occur to me that I should stop as the sun started to set, my figure creating shadows on the dimming colours of the grass. It has become a routine.

 

I wanted to believe that she was there, walking beside me as I wandered. I have dreamt of her. Hair billowing softly, like a piano piece being played in the breeze. Her eyes, gentle and unassuming, would hold unto my fears as I carried them in this hardship.

 

I don’t know what I’m doing.

I don’t know what I’m going to do.

I don’t know who I am supposed to be.

I don’t know… where I’m going.

 

I looked up at the sky and watched as the clouds drifted by, five centimeters per second as it moved above me. A soft smile would play on my lips as I would imagine her small hands in mine. Her soft lips against my own. Her eyes gently fluttering close as my lashes brush upon hers.

 

I have missed this warmth in my body. I have missed this calm that soared into my veins like cherry blossoms in spring. The feeling was tender, raw, and unimaginable for some.

 

But I’ve felt it. For a while.

 

And I have missed it. For a long while.

 

Takaki-kun…” The winds have seemed to pick up. The voice I longed to hear reached my ears like a whisper. “You’re back…

 

And I would imagine her running towards me, arms spread out and eyes brimming with tears. I would pretend that her finger would not bear a ring, shining like a star in the night sky. I would whisper to her the words that I’ve kept for so long. And I would love her more than I’ve loved her for all that time we’ve missed.

 

Because the distance didn’t matter. I’ve kept her close to me all along.


“Takaki-kun.”

 

I love you.

 

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